thoughts on the parting sea

walking through the valley

When you’re in the valley, it feels deep and dark and empty and lonely. But I know I’m not the only person to experience hardship. Really, I’m far from it. But in the darkness, it’s easy to believe those lies.

A dear friend reminded me the other day that the Israelites didn’t know God was going to part the Red Sea. Surely they thought they were marching to their suicide… but he did the unthinkable. They followed Moses, despite what they thought blocked their path. They pressed on and God’s plan was truly beyond anything man could imagine.

Adeline used to absolutely hate being in the car. Shortly after we’d start driving, the crying would start and she did not sleep. The crying would just go on and on. Desperate one day, I sang to her and she not only calmed down but fell asleep. You can bet that song became her new lullaby.

So now, multiple times a day and every night, I sing it to her.

Grander earth has quaked before, moved by the sound of his voice. Seas that are shaken and stirred can be calmed and broken for my regard.

Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all, it is well. Through it all, Through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well with me.

Far be it from me to not believe, even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me will be thrown into the midst of the sea.

So let go, my soul, and trust in him. The waves and wind still know his name.

It is well with my soul. It is well with my soul. It is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul.

God uses this song multiple times a day to remind me he is with me. This mountain that’s in front of me? It will be thrown into the midst of the sea. This valley that I’m walking through? Well, grander earth has quaked before, moved just by the sound of his voice. This valley doesn’t stand a chance of separating me from God. Even in my darkest days, even in the hardest moments, he is with me. And he’s telling me to keep my eyes on him. Trust in him. And it truly is well with my soul.

I’m grateful that on that day in the car when I thought I couldn’t handle more crying, God gave me the gift of remembering this song… this song that would become my anthem in this season. He knew what I would need long before I did.

What’s all this talk about “safer beauty”??

Beautycounter Safer Skincare and Makeup

Y’all, I’ve got to be honest with you: I have a new obsession. It’s called #switchtosafer.

After I had Adeline, I became hyper sensitive about what was inside the products I put on her skin. I think it was the realization that she was so pure. As a freshly born babe, her skin hadn’t even seen direct sunlight! So it certainly hadn’t directly absorbed any chemicals from lotion, shampoo, sunscreen, body wash, etc… and that realization made me think twice about every single thing I rubbed on her skin.

Then I wondered, what am I putting on my skin that rubs against her skin? And don’t even get me started on what did I use while I was pregnant that also affected her?! That’s a hole we just don’t want to go down.

To me, Adeline was a “new beginning,” and I wanted to make sure everything that touched her skin was the least harmful product possible. I wanted to make sure it was as safe for her as possible.

Enter my discovery of the #switchtosafer beauty movement.

Beautycounter Charcoal Bar and Mask Safer Beauty

Did you know that in the United States, there are almost no regulations on the beauty industry? The last federal law passed regulating the safety of the ingredients in personal care products was in 1938. NINETEEN THIRTY EIGHT, y’all. (source) Think about how much has changed since then. The beauty industry throws around all sorts of terms – natural, organic, blah blah blah – but in all reality, those words hold no weight. There’s nothing holding them accountable to what those words mean in the beauty industry because the FDA has no power to recall items or regulate how those terms are used. (source)

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) has done a lot of work so that we can be more knowledgeable about what’s inside the products we use. They’ve created a website called Skin Deep where you can search all of the products you use – face wash, makeup, shampoo, etc. – and they rate them based on their hazard concern from 1 (low concern) to 10 (high concern). These ratings are based on the ingredients in each product and what information is (or isn’t) available about their safety in personal product usage. (You can read more on how ratings are picked here.)

The most awesome part is that they have an app for your phone (called Healthy Living), so you can scan your products from your house! I got to scanning everything in our bathroom cabinets and quickly freaked out.

My daily hair product: 6
Bodywash: 5
Shampoo: 5
Conditioner: 5
Facewash: 5
Makeup remover: 4
Face lotion: 3
Blush: 6
Mascara: 3
Deodorant: 4
Toothpaste: 3
Adeline’s Baby Lotion (and it was Burt’s Bees!): 5
Adeline’s Baby Body Wash & Shampoo (Aveeno!): 4

You may be thinking those are middle of the line products, but think about all of those “moderate concerns” for cancer or developmental toxicities added together. And THEN the fact that I use every single one of those products once or twice every single day. Yikes.

This GIANT realization and the beginning of my life-changing switch to safer beauty happened at the same time that I discovered Beautycounter.

From one drugstore beauty buyer to the next, I’m always skeptical of direct sales stuff – mostly because I’m cheap, but also because I’ve been disappointed a lot. I’ve been to many direct sales parties and, frankly, I’m just not interested.

But the thing that caught my attention about Beautycounter is that they are all-in on this movement for safer beauty products. They stand behind their mission for safer beauty with their “Never List” of 1,500 questionable or harmful chemicals they do NOT use in any of their products. They also publicly advocate for stricter federal laws to regulate safety and transparency in this industry because they believe in getting safer products into the hands of everyone.

So, I went to a Beautycounter Social – partially because I wanted to support my friend, but also because this idea of safer beauty products sparked my interest.

And, y’all, I am so in.

I didn’t buy anything from the first social I attended, but I agreed to host my own because I wanted to reap the host benefits. I had sampled the charcoal bar and fell in love with it because my face immediately started to clear up. The idea of rubbing black soap on my face was a little freaky, but the stuff worked like a charm and it wasn’t made up of harmful chemicals!

Beautycounter Safer Beauty Products

At my social, I ordered the nourishing cream cleanser, nourishing cream exfoliator, charcoal bar, tint skin foundation, mattify finishing powder and baby oil (used as a makeup remover AND for my baby). I dove right in because I loved what I had used and I wanted to clear my cabinets of the junk that they held.

Can I tell you that I haven’t been disappointed?? Since I started using Beautycounter’s face cleansing products in July, I look forward to washing my face every night! I love the smell, I feel like I’m pampering myself, they do a great job of removing my makeup and I know what I’m using won’t harm me or my baby. The best part is that my skin has been changing!! I still have breakouts (because HORMONES, CAN I GET AN AMEN), but they are drastically fewer and they don’t last as long. My skin is noticeably softer and, for once in my makeup-wearing life, I’m not embarrassed to be found without makeup on – at home or out and about.

I wish there was a way to say that and NOT sound like an empty sales pitch because it’s truly not. I hemmed and hawed about whether or not to become a consultant with Beautycounter because of exactly what I said earlier – I’m not into the direct sales thing: I’m cheap and I’m generally not into fancy beauty products. But over the past several months, I haven’t shut up about it. I’m obsessed with sharing Beautycounter with my friends, but I’m also passionate about sharing my newfound knowledge about switching to safer products in general. Beautycounter isn’t the only company who makes products rated 1 on the EWG Skin Deep website – there are many others! But Beautycounter is committed to getting safer products into the hands of everyone, and I am, too. For your sake, my daughter’s sake, and my own sake!

I plan on sharing more about my journey with Beautycounter, the products I’ve changed out as I #switchtosafer and I’d LOVE to chat with you more about any of this if you’re interested! Email me (, comment below, or check out my “Why Safer Beauty” tab above to read more about my journey!

Tell me: what products do you use everyday that you want to #switchtosafer!?

*All photos in this post belong to Beautycounter.





Motherhood is a lesson in stewardship 

How long can you blame postpartum hormones? Or is motherhood always this emotional?

My baby had her six month shots today. She was such a trooper that she kept trying to smile at the nurses in between her sobs because they were trying to cheer her up. This sweet little girl.

I accidentally left my house key inside when we left for her appointment this morning, so we got locked out and, of course, Jacob was out of town. As was my landlord. 

So Adeline and I spent the rest of the morning window shopping and she was so happy! She babbled and made all sorts of happy sounds in her stroller. It was overwhelmingly precious and I looked back to the days when she hated her stroller/car seat and I felt like we would never be able to leave the house and smiled. We have overcome.

Now I’m sitting in bed and she’s asleep in my arms. I’m breathing in her deep, sleepy breaths and I can’t believe that time is ticking by. I kiss her soft little cheeks (they are SO SOFT – when does that change?!) and wonder how I’m supposed to let her become an adult? Kissing her cheeks won’t feel the same. She probably won’t even let me kiss her cheeks? At least not often. And definitely not with her cradled in my arms.

Motherhood is so emotional. Every day is like holding onto your most precious, prized possession, but realizing that when morning comes she will already have changed. And she will keep changing every day after that. These sweet moments that I want to grab and never let go of are literally fleeting – here now and gone the next minute as she grows and discovers and changes. 

What a lesson in living with open hands, am I right? What God has given me doesn’t belong to me. It’s not my possession. She’s not my possession. She’s His and I’m a steward of her, for a time. 

This is the hardest lesson in stewardship I’ve experienced in my life so far. I don’t want a single second of it to pass by with my eyes glazed over. I don’t want to miss a thing. I want to be bright eyed and present and grateful because time is already moving at warp speed. 

Love + babies + the reminder to pay attention

We returned from an 11 day trip late last night and this morning I’m grateful for the day off to get prepared for the week. Although, if I’m honest, it’s after noon and most of my day has consisted of playing with Adeline. And that’s fine with me.

Somehow she is already 6 months old and this morning I watched her sitting up by herself, reaching for toys, turning them over in her hands and (of course!) putting them in her mouth. 

Part of me feels like her birth was a distant memory already, yet at the same time she was a helpless newborn just a blink ago. She’s becoming her own person right in front of my eyes and it’s absolutely fascinating and heart wrenching all at once. I want her to stay tiny and snuggly and I want to feel the way she fits right into my neck so perfectly forever. But I also can’t wait to listen to her tell stories, laugh at the outfits she puts together herself and celebrate her milestones with her.

Motherhood is overwhelmingly emotional. My heart is so full of love and I ache for time to slow down, but I know it won’t. 

So instead I’m trying to keep my eyes open and remember all of this. To stay off of my phone and be engaged because time is so precious and so fleeting. Pay attention. Soak it up. Be thankful and full of love.

The Smallest Working Mom Mental Victory

Working Mom Victories

I’ve written this post a thousand times in my head. I think, I want to stay present here and I want to remember this forever. But then I get distracted by the dishes, Adeline needing another rocking to go to sleep, work tasks I’ve yet to do for the day, the ice cream in the freezer.. the list goes on and the post fades away in my head.

But tonight I’m choosing to write.

Wednesday nights are some of my favorites because it’s the end of Adeline needing babysitters for the week. Tuesdays are my longest days in the office – they usually end up being 9 or 10 hour days after office hours and worship team practice that night. Wednesdays are my second office day and the only day we usually get an actual sitter for Adeline. Those mornings are the hardest because the last thing I want to do is drop her off and drive away after I spent all of Tuesday away from her.

But Wednesday nights are the sweetest. I don’t have to fight the temptation to stress and wish the moments would hurry if she doesn’t go to sleep right away because the next day holds nothing pressing. I can soak up the snuggles, the way her head fits into my neck and her sweet little fingers that sometimes stick out from the swaddle sack and hold my fingers. I can breathe in the fresh scent of clean baby and it’s the easiest night for me to stay present. The anxiety of a Sunday morning feels far away and most of my work tasks for the week are already finished. All that usually remains is more practice hours, and on Wednesdays they feel totally doable during my remaining days.

It’s these moments in the fading evening light of our bedroom that I feel overcome with gratefulness. I can’t believe God gave us this sweet little gift that I didn’t know I always wanted. I can’t believe I get to be her mom and I get to struggle with the tensions of work and motherhood and homekeeping and following Christ diligently and loving my husband well. Sometimes those burdens feel heavy and completely unattainable, but I’m trying to live in those tensions and press in to what I know is true. In this season, God has called me to all of those things. And he’s already given me the grace to walk through it with him.

So all at the same time I’m practicing gratefulness for my job that stretches me and requires much of me, while also soaking up these moments with her that are speeding by too quickly. I’m tempted to think I can only do one or the other when things get hard, but thank you, Lord, for the reminder tonight while I rocked Adeline to sleep that with him I can do both. Be present. Be present. Be thankful. Give yourself grace.

You can check out more photos of Adeline’s nursery here.

Out of Whack (prioritizing struggles for this new mom)

Reprioritizing as a new mom

I do this annoying thing all the time where I get all high and mighty because I think I’ve got this motherhood thing down. I did it during pregnancy, too… for example, I thought I must just be an amazing pregnant lady because I wasn’t getting all swollen and huge… until I did.

You’d think I’d learn my lesson, but those thoughts have continued right on into motherhood. I think, I’ve really got this bedtime thing down and then this happens. Or I think my daughter must be the best baby ever because she’s never fussy and I can take her anywhere… and then she cries through an entire meal at a restaurant, or while I was frantically checking out at Target, or she suddenly decides she hates the car and screams during every single car ride.

So, of course, I felt like I had this motherhood gig down until I started work again. That little piece of humble pie I’ve been served has certainly done the trick! I am a hot mess. My first week back to work I ended up canceling all of the friend hangouts I had scheduled on my days off because my days off aren’t really days off anymore. Since motherhood happens all day every day, my work from home hours are no longer so scheduled or limited to certain days of the week.

I am incredibly grateful to have a job that I love with flexible hours and that allows me to work about a third of those hours from home. The problem, though, is working from home. It takes on a whole new meaning with a baby who has a lot of needs (AKA food, help falling asleep, diaper changes, someone to play with her and oh yes, general care). My hours worked from home that were once “only on Thursdays” are now split up into 15-60 minute chunks all day every day in the form of sending emails while nursing and scheduling, planning, and practicing during naps, etc.

With all of these changes, I sat in bed the other night and realized I needed to press the reset button on my priorities for this season. My Scripture reading has been spotty at best, I sometimes forget to kiss my husband goodbye when I head into the office (but never Adeline, of course!), and I can no longer schedule multiple friend hangouts on “days off.”

But instead of measuring a day’s success based on the status of dirty dishes and household clutter, I need to turn the pyramid upside down and rethink those measurements.

Instead of measuring a day's success based on the status of dirty dishes + household clutter,… Click To Tweet

My New Daily Priority Pyramid:

  1. God – Have I spent time in the Word today? What are three things I can thank Him for today?
  2. Jacob – What is one small way I can serve him today?
  3. Adeline – Have I talked to her, played with her and enjoyed her without my phone nearby today?
  4. Work – Did I accomplish the “must have’s” today? Am I on track to reach my hours this week? Is the house at least in a livable condition (are there clean dishes and clean clothes)?
  5. Friends – If I can’t connect with a friend in person this week, how can I make a point to serve her? At least send a quick text to let her know I love her and ask how I can pray for her, write a quick card, etc.

After typing those out they seem ridiculously simple, but in the minute to minute of my day it is so easy to let them slide through my fingertips! Would you say a quick prayer for me today that God grows me in discipline in this season and I make this pyramid flip a priority?

How can I be praying for you? Are there priorities in your life that are out of whack? I encourage you to take a minute to consider what is most important to you and ask yourself if that is actually lived out in the reality of your day to day life.